What's Up With Me

Time to write and reflect a little on where I'm at.

A big goal of mine is to create a sustainable and balanced routine. This is a struggle. I never know what quality of sleep I'll get, and sleep deprivation really rocks my boat. I let it throw off my whole day, and use it for an excuse to be lazy. Yes, I legitimately need sleep, but if I'm up anyway I can certainly do more than avoid doing stuff all day long. Eva going to school has really helped with the routine, but I'd like to get all the way to the point where I have a meal plan for the week, a routine for laundry, guilt-free time blocked off for myself and for playing with the kids, for our marriage... that sort of thing.

Yesterday I talked to a friend in Winnipeg with little ones the same age as mine... and realized that even though she is in a city where she has good friends and family, she has feelings of isolation as well! I felt so much better knowing I'm not the only one. She also encouraged me to get more exercise and I know she is right. That conversation really perked me up and inspired me. Came at just the right time. Thanks God!

The unfinished and undone things in my life weigh on me and make me grumpy. Some of it can be resolved through self-discipline. Some of it I just have to learn to deal with.

Here are the things that have been on my mind:

- Physical Fitness: I don't get enough exercise. Plain and simple. When I was pushing a stroller, it was easy. Especially when I was pushing both kids in the double! But now that they both walk, I need to find alternatives. I can think of lots of excuses, but if I'm honest with myself, they don't hold water. We have a trampoline and the kids love it. All I have to do is jump with them whenever they want and I will get fit in a flash. Also I bought a balance ball and resistance bands in summer- surely I can find 20 minutes a few times a week to do a little toning in my living room!

- Food: The more I learn about nutrition, the more convicted I am about the way I feed my family. [Right now I'm reading 'In Defense of Food' by Michael Pollan and working my way through the videos of the Food For Thought discussions from the Slow Food Nation 2008 event, http://slowfoodnation.org/videos/] If I could, I'd eliminate all refined, highly-processed, GM, pesticide-ridden foods. But the reality is that is MUCH easier said than done, for a variety of reasons including availability, knowledge and time. I have to accept that this may be a long slow road, and appreciate the positive changes we've made already. But these things don't stop me from remembering that our favorite fruit, apples, are in the 'dirty dozen' of pesticide-sucking produce. Or wondering if the refined, processed, extruded, refined-sugar-containing breakfast cereal that is so tasty and convenient actually has any real nutritional value. (And we eat the 'healthy' breakfast cereals!). Or wondering what our meat and poultry was fed and how it was raised. Or thinking about how little resemblance the milk we buy at the store has to milk straight from a grass-fed cow. All this knowledge and these types of thoughts have narrowed our pantry selection considerably. Which leads me to start worrying about variety in our diet! I have eliminated faster than I have learned to adapt and cultivate my cooking skills. I have to get better at preparing snacks ahead of time and develop a nice weekly rotation of delicious and nutritious meals. But at this time I often feel stuck in a rut, constrained by my kids' limited preferences and my own laziness. I really need to find some kind of peace here because the tension is tiring.

- Acts of Green: When I first moved to Mexico, I was somewhat shocked that garbage pickup happens three days a week. The more time I spend out here in the desert, the more I realize that it really is quite necessary. Rottable items + heat + time + roaming dogs and possums and large ant populations = bad news. I am embarrassed to admit that I actually did have a full bag of garbage to put out every two days. Good news: Eva's school has a recycling program (there is no municipal program, yet). So now our garbage output has decreased dramatically! I feel good about this one.

I have some reusable grocery bags which I fully intend to start using. As soon as I can remember to bring them into the store!! The volume of plastic grocery bags we collect is astonishing.

I am considering worm composting. But I have no idea where to find red wriggler worms!! The idea of a compost pile is extremely daunting to me, and I'm pretty sure it's even more work in a dry climate, so I figure worm composting is the way to go. Don't know if this will get done while we're living here, but I'm keeping my eyes peeled.

This is probably Too Much Information for some of you, but I'm going to put it out there anyway because it is relevant to many of you readers (almost all, probably, since this post is long and has no photos ;) ). Reusable menstrual products. Those bleached, plastic-backed pads have an environmental impact and can also impact our health and comfort. And consider the chemicals used in the production of tampons and their potential effects on our bodies. Check out these sites for more information about reusable options, and shoot me an email if you want to know more:

http://www.labyrinth.net.au/~obsidian/clothpads/
http://menstrualcups.wordpress.com/2008/07/10/cup-images/
http://www.gladrags.com/index.php


- Self-control: I want to be patient, positive, and calm. This is hard to do consistently! I sometimes get so frustrated with the demands and the destruction and the defiance and then I let loose with the, um, raised voice. I have noticed that if I give those feelings an inch, they take a mile. As I yell, I can feel the feelings swell and escalate. That's scary. And damaging. And ineffective. And a poor example. I have seen my behaviour in Eva already. I need to continue to work on my self-control.

- Mom's Group: I am thinking of starting a Mom's Group in the new year. I think it would be a good way to combat the isolation, trade parenting ideas, and to deepen relationships. It would be small and in our home.

I'd appreciate prayer for the development of this idea, for my self-control, self-discipline. And for encouragement when I don't feel like I'm doing or being enough.

I'm glad for the opportunity to blog about this. It will be so interesting to look back on this a few months or years from now!!