Parenting Indispensible

A headset something like this makes it a lot easier to juggle kids (oh yes, now that I have three I can actually juggle them), housework and telephone calls. What better time to sneak in a phone call than while doing dishes, folding laundry, or nursing baby? Yeah, I know I sound like an infomercial, but I really do find this item exceedingly useful.

Obedience

Don't you know that when you offer yourselves to someone to obey him as slaves, you are slaves to the one whom you obey—whether you are slaves to sin, which leads to death, or to obedience, which leads to righteousness?

Romans 6:16

Raising young children, obedience is frequently on my mind. I expect my children to obey; it is my job to cultivate their obedience. Is it so I can feel powerful and control them? No, it is for their safety, for their freedom, for their character development. In short, for their good and our family's good and for the good of those around us.

Obedience for safety: Hold my hand while crossing the street, use a car seat, stop when I say stop.

Obedience for freedom: If they can be trusted to obey what I tell them, then they will have increasing freedoms. Crossing the street alone, being in charge of their own safety gear, using appliances and other items unsupervised. If they can't be trusted to obey when I'm present, I can't trust them to obey when I'm not, and I will be saying no to many more of their requests than I would if I knew I could trust them.

Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much, and whoever is dishonest with very little will also be dishonest with much.

Luke 16:10

Obedience for character development: As they obey and experience the results of that obedience, they learn how to make good decisions and become healthy adults who bless those around them.

Obedience for our family's good: Sometimes we ask them to obey to make things easier for everyone. When we fly home at Christmas, we have a very short layover between flights. If we're going to make our second flight, the children need to be very obedient- use the bathroom when we tell them, stay close, etc. The whole family would pay the price of one person's disobedience.

Why does God ask us to obey Him? For the same reasons! So we can live in safety and freedom and eventually join Him in Heaven. Also for the good of our fellow (wo)man.

Romans 6:16 tells us that we are always slaves to something. We can choose to be a slave to sin, or we can choose to be a slave to obedience. It can feel so much harder and painful to be obedient to God's commands and promptings, but the results of the obedience are so worth it! One path leads to death- separation from God, who is Love, Truth, Light. The other path leads to righteousness- to God, to Heaven, to eternal life. That is what I want, and what I want for my children!

Snotvac

When my friend Rita recommended the Baby-Vac to me, I thought it frankly frightening. She said it was a thing you could connect to your canister vacuum to suck the snot out of your kid's nose. I imagined it leaving a big hickey, not to mention scaring the pants off the poor child.

Well, after weeks of bulb suctioning and feeling increasingly desperate, I finally decided to find out for myself whether it was a product worthy of all her raving, or if she did in fact love it only because it was invented in Hungary (her native country).

I received it yesterday. Micah and I tried it out right away. It is COOL! Micah said it tickled (as it sucked a big batch of boogers out of his face). When I tried it I thought at first it wasn't attached to the vacuum properly, because I expected much heavier suction. But the suction is so gentle! Just enough to extract the offending boogies, but not at all uncomfortable. Today when I was suctioning Joshua before bed, he was calm and almost seemed to be enjoying it.

So thanks Rita for the recommendation, it's so much more efficient and effective than that suction bulb!

Even better if there were no boogers to suck out at all...

It's Starting To Happen...

... The years are beginning to blend together. The other day I was trying to remember how old Eva was when she first went ice skating and I couldn't! I am so glad for this blog because I can actually go back and find the pertinent entry and see photos and maybe even video. This year I'm ordering hard copies of Joshua's pregnancy/birth blog and of the 2008 posts from this blog. I know I will treasure them both.

At the beginning of our relationship there were big events at regular intervals which helped us remember what happened when. But now we've been here in the same house in the same city going on four years, and there is almost three years between babies and all of the sudden I don't remember what happened when. Soon I'll stop remembering to whom. Sometimes can't get names straight. I might call Eva "Andrew", Joshua "Micah", it's just a mess.

Joshua

In the past 2+ weeks I have learned the following things about Joshua:

- He has extremely sensitive skin. He breaks out in a nasty heat rash if he gets really ticked off.
- It doesn't take much to tick him off.
- He doesn't like laying flat on his back. Therefore diaper changes generally involve crying.
- The sling, wrap and swaddling calm and soothe him. Especially when combined with bouncing. So glad we have an exercise ball.
- He sleeps long stretches, both during the day and at night. Some nights he needs some bouncing in the middle of the night, but often he just wakes to nurse and goes right back to sleep. Appreciating this (but not counting on it to continue, lest I be crushed with disappointment).
- He has a the makings of a killer smile! It's not gas, I'm telling you, I have seen this kid smile. Sometimes just a hint, sometimes just one corner, but definitely a smile. Can't wait to see the full blown version.
- He is a mover and a shaker. When he was only a week old and we tried to pose him for a photo, he was doing crawling motions with his legs and actually getting some traction! The other day I had him on my chest and he worked himself over so he was laying beside me.
- His hair is curly. He's got a little curled up minimullet, so cute.

It seems that if I can keep him in a sling or wrap, I will keep him happy. And therefore I will be relaxed and happy. This is not a kid I can just put down somewhere and who will just lay there and coo. So far he has been pretty high needs. That said, I have so many more tools to help both of us get what we want/need, and I have experience on my side. Now I know that these times don't last forever. Now I know to work with it rather than bang my head against the wall. He needs to be carried? Ok, I'll carry him and not begrudge him for it. Whatever works for him, works for me.

Napper No Napping

Micah has abruptly transitioned to No-Nap Micah. Mostly. He will eventually go to sleep, but it takes me 30 minutes to talk him into it and I just don't have that kind of energy right now. He could still use a nap every couple of days, I think. The other day he fell asleep in front of the tv for the first time since he was newborn. That was cute. But mostly he gets through the day alright.

Today we had our first Double Quiet Time. Eva hung out in the playroom, Micah and I hung out in the bedroom. Micah brought a bunch of toys in and I instructed him not to bother me so I could try to nap. I never expected to have a serious nap, but hoped to get some dozing in, and I did. I think he did pretty well considering it was his first Quiet Time, it was an hour long, and he is only two. We'll keep working on it. I am a firm believer in the value of Quiet Time for all members of the household (perhaps especially me?).

Uterus Colouring Pages

I just gave the kids "uterus" colouring pages.

Yep. That's what I said.

I was watching a YouTube video about how the birth control pill is a potential abortifacient and Micah walked up as it was showing a diagram of the uterus. He loudly announces, "I want to colour that monster!!!" Eva immediately wanted to colour one too. Since we're almost out of ink in our stinky printer I drew one for each of them. And they are happily colouring away.

I explained to Eva what it is and a bit about how to works, but I think Micah still thinks it's a monster.

A Great Way to Spend Long Days at Home

I can't believe I didn't set up the pool earlier in the week! I know you Winnipeggers don't want to hear it, but it is HOT here now. We go out for a walk in the mornings, and at 9am the sun already beats right into you. Monday the kids and I had a great day- they played so well together, were so agreeable and not particularly needy, it was very pleasant. Tuesday was a completely different story, one of disobedience and mischief. Yesterday wasn't great either. I suggested we set up the pool, but that they needed to clean off the patio to make space for it. Their desire NOT to clean overrode their desire to swim. This morning I went out there and we all cleaned the patio together, then set up the pool.

Here we are enjoying the refreshing feeling of water on our feet, waiting for the pool to fill.

Eva has gone to get her swimsuit on.

"Who cares if it's not full? Let's get swimming!"

This may look dangerous, but they have got it down to a science. They'll sleep well tonight!

Lately

Last week was kind of a grumpy, yelly week. I was hoping that this week would be different. Monday morning began with a power outage during my shower. No power to the pump meant no water to the shower. Afterward, while I was gingerly changing the fuse, Micah let out the dog we're taking care of and dispensed water everywhere. I admit it- I yelled. I felt terrible as usual and I need to find a different way of dealing with my frustration. Eva asked me yesterday, "Does Claudia yell at her baby too?"

Micah is becoming a real handful!! He is a very busy boy. I have begun, in particular, dreading supper. Not only is it challenging to find ingredients to make a nutritious meal, and to put together a meal that everyone will enjoy, but especially to actually make it. I am constantly chasing after the little fella- getting him down from the top of the spiral staircase outside, cleaning up the water he's dispensed, "plunged" or "scrubbed" everywhere, getting him down off the top of tables, stopping him from strewing articles hither and about, that sort of thing. Yesterday as a last resort I strapped him into his booster seat. I expected loud protest but surprisingly there was none until right at the end! I'm not dumb enough to expect that this magic solution will last, but I'll enjoy it while I can. I guess he likes to watch me cook. (What can I say, I'm masterful ;) ).

Micah is starting to want to choose his clothing. Today he wore a pink t-shirt and a kilt all day.

Andrew offered to do engagement and wedding photos for one of his staff so I lined up a babysitter for last night. The engagement photos fell through but we still had Bertha come over and we headed out to take some photos together downtown.

Andrew excited to get out on a date and to take photos of a Torreon evening

La Alameda- the main plaza

It was neat to get out just the two of us but almost not worth it. We were both exhausted and missed our vegging time. We asked Bertha to stay til 11 but we were home by 9:30. Eva heard us come home. She got so wound up that she didn't get to sleep til well after 10. Sure enough, this morning she had a serious meltdown and then napped longer than Micah did.

The electric company came by this morning and peeked at the wiring to our house. They said it definitely needs replacing- the wires are just kind of wrapped together rather than being properly connected. The good news is that they're doing the maintenance tomorrow. The bad news is that I'll have no power from 8:30 to 1:30.

I've been trying to get in touch with the vet. Duna is doing remarkably well! She doesn't cough anymore, she still has a great appetite, she still follows me from room to room. I don't think she's going anywhere anytime soon. I want to talk to him more about his opinion of her condition and whether he knows of any 'nicer' options that kennelling her at his clinic. Praying that something good for her will work out. I'd really do not want to kennel her for so long.

Parenting Tools, Tips and Tricks?

A while ago, I did a post called Parenting Picks and Pans, Part I.

Now I'd love to hear from you. What are your indispensible products, tools, ideas, or rules that help keep peace and sanity in your home? Even if you have older or grown up kids, I want to hear from you!

Science Experiments

Today the kids and I had some fun outside. I filled some containers (got some use out of my discarded plastics!) with water and a few drops of food colouring and supplied the kids with eye droppers. They transferred the red, yellow and blue water into their own containers to make their own pretty coloured water. Ok, Eva did. Micah mostly just pretended to have a tea party.

When that part of the activity was winding down I brought out some flour (got some use out of my refined flour!) mixed with salt. We mixed it into the coloured water and made a sort of homemade play-doh. Ok, I did. Eva made a nice olive green sludge. Micah ate some and finally met his match. He enjoys eating crayons, markers and even sand. But the salty play-doh got the best of him.

Hasta Luego, Gymnastics

Today was Eva's last day at gymnastics. Her enthusiasm, interest and listening skills at gymnastics have been declining for some time now. This month she has been outright telling me she doesn't want to go. I told her we would cut it down to 2 days a week from 3 and she would have to attend for the remainder of the month I had already paid.

I think a major factor for her not wanting to go is social pressure. I pressure her to do what the teacher tells her to do. She doesn't always want to and wanders off to do her own thing. Sometimes her classmates ask her to play chase or tickle and she wants to be part of that fun. So there is this pressure, this tension. She wants to avoid it. A couple of times I gave her the choice to sit on the sidelines or to participate in the class. She chose to sit it out. And sat quietly for the entire remainder of the class. This is a strong force working in her!

It has been a dilemma for me because I don't want to just bail her out of a situation that she will encounter over and over in life. However, she is just three years old and doesn't have a whole lot of maturity to draw upon.

I told her today would be her last class. I reminded her that she wouldn't see her wonderful teacher Bertha anymore, and that she wouldn't learn any more new moves or get to play on the bar anymore. She told me she doesn't like to go to gymnastics and that is all fine. So today was it.

I will miss my mommy friends and the great little girls that were Eva's classmates. I won't miss the mess it made of the end of our day- rushing to whip up supper while two tired hungry cranky little ones climb the walls. And I won't miss Micah's incessant whining and crying to join the class, or his efforts to pitch himself down the concrete stairwell.

Maybe Eva will go back to gymnastics later on. Or try something new. Either way this has been a fun experience and we have lots of great memories to show for it!!

On a related note, I have noticed a very interesting evolution in my parenting. Until recently, I almost always built an outing into our days. I felt like we would go kind of crazy at home, spinning our wheels. But now we have our routine and it is really working for us. I am much more happy sticking close to home. There is plenty to do around here! I think also my parenting repertoire has broadened. I know about more stuff we can do together. Now that we don't have gymnastics in the afternoons, I can cook more often with Eva in the afternoons while Micah is sleeping. I'm looking forward to baking bread, for instance. You need a good stretch of time for that. We can also play with water in the afternoons more often. I'm excited about this new phase we are coming into!

Blanket Time

We have a new thing around here. I picked up the idea from a web site called Premeditated Parenting. While I'm doing the breakfast dishes I put out a blanket and some toys. The kids are to stay on the blanket and play (without fighting or crying ideally) until I am done the dishes.

Eva does really well in general and actually seems to welcome Blanket Time. Micah understands the concept but is still working on his discipline. Some days are better than others.

Blanket time gives me a chance to encourage Eva. I can point out how disciplined she is when she quietly plays on the blanket even as Micah is dashing giggling into the living room and I'm chasing him with soapy hands. I can also point out what a good example she is to her brother.

The goal is to get so good at Blanket Time that we can take the blanket along to something like a doctor's appointment or a meeting. Behaviour problems stopped in their tracks! I think the idea has merit. So we'll keep working at it!

Routine

Last week I managed to build a routine for our family that makes sense and is sustainable. I have been feeling that we needed more structure to our daily activities, but could never seem to make it happen. Now we have one and I am loving it even more than I expected. I really like knowing what will happen when, and I am finding that I have more dedicated time for my own thing and for housework than I did before. And the kids are enjoying knowing that there will be predictable and consistent periods of my time that is dedicated to them every day.

Here is the routine:

- get up, shower, get dressed
- smoothies and coffee. Mommy puts in a load of laundry, kids watch a little bit of tv, Mommy has computer time
- go for a walk when Daddy leaves for work
- breakfast
- Mommy does dishes, kids play without crying ;)
- jump on the trampoline together while it's still in the shade
- snack
- errand/outing
- lunch at noon
- Micah nap at 1:00, Eva has quiet time then Mommy & Eva have special time together
- snack when Micah gets up
- gymnastics if applicable
- kids watch video while Mommy makes supper
- supper
- Family Walk
- bedtime for Micah at 7:00, Eva reads 3 books with Daddy then has quiet time before her bedtime at 8:00

Baby Led Feeding

If I am unhappy, frustrated, and/or angry with a parenting situation, experience shows that one of these two must be true:

(1) I need to change my attitude. Accept and embrace the current state of being. It will pass eventually. This applies to both kids' frequent waking as babies and even now with Micah.

(2) There is a better way and I need to find it.

This applied to the introduction to solid foods.

The mainstream North American method of weaning is a complicated process of do's and don'ts, whens and hows. When Micah was about six months old and showing some interest in solids, I bought some rice cereal (as per The Rules). Baby cereal needs to be mixed either with sterile water, breastmilk, or formula, which of course is also mixed with sterile water. This means that either I had to boil and cool water, or pump breastmilk. Either option felt like a lot of work to me. And that is just for cereals! Never mind all the work and planning involved with preparing pureed baby foods. (Yes I could have bought jars of baby food but I wanted to give Micah the highest quality food I could, and to me that meant making it myself.) It didn't make sense that a baby's nutritional needs would so suddenly change from something so simple and straightforward as breastmilk, to this complicated monster of planning and preparation. So I did some research on the internet to find out if anybody else was doing something that would feel more "right" to me.

I found an approach called "Baby Led Weaning" (BLW). Many people understand weaning to mean "cessation of breastfeeding". Weaning is actually the process of adding nourishment other than breastmilk to a young one's diet. We can call it “Baby Led Feeding” to reduce confusion since we don't understand weaning that way in North America.

Wikipedia has a very good explanation of BLW. I would recommend checking out the Baby-Led Weaning article in its entirety. It's not too long but it has good details about the whats and whys of this approach. Here are some exerpts:

As recommended by the World Health Organization and several other health authorities across the world, there is no need to introduce solid food to a baby’s diet until after 6 months, and by then the child’s digestive system and her fine motor skills have developed enough to allow her to self-feed. Baby-led weaning takes advantage of the natural development stages of the child.

The baby should be able to sit well unsupported, be eager to participate in mealtime and maybe even trying to grab food and put it in her mouth. The child should show signs of developing a pincer grasp, as well as an ability and willingness to chew.

Self-feeding supports the child’s motor development on many vital areas, such as their hand-eye coordination and chewing. It encourages the child towards independence and often provides a stress-free alternative for meal times, for both the child and the parents. Some babies refuse to eat solids when offered with a spoon, but happily help themselves to finger food.

In addition to this method being easier for Mom and Dad, it makes so much sense! Babies aren't magically ready for solids the day they turn 6 months. They are ready for solids when they can pick something up, bring it to their mouth, bite, chew and swallow it. It makes sense to me to trust that baby knows best for what his or her digestive system is ready, and when he or she is full. Constipation can often be a problem for babies fed solids according to The Rules. It is possible to overfeed a spoon-fed baby, and what impact will this have on the child's future eating habits?

You may worry about safety. Isn't a baby in danger of choking on chunky foods? Some argue that a baby started on purees is in greater danger of choking. A puree- fed baby learns to suck food, whereas a finger food-fed baby learns from the start to bite and chew before swallowing. When you offer a puree-fed baby chunky food, that baby may mistakenly suck the food and it could end up lodged in the windpipe. The Wikipedia article says: Contrary to popular belief there is no research supporting the introduction of solids by purees and in fact babies can become very confused when stage 2 foods are introduced (with lumps) unsure whether to swallow or chew.

Check out this YouTube video about BLW:



Something that I have noticed about Micah is that he became very proficient with cutlery very early on. Interesting that the video mentions it as one of the side effects of BLW.

I didn't know about BLW when Eva was at this stage, but her behaviour reinforced the appropriateness of this approach. She refused cereal early on, and always insisted on having control of the spoon at mealtimes. She gave up purees very quickly and showed a definite preference for table foods.

Parenting Picks and Pans Part I

Some integral parenting tools for our family:

- Baby Sling. This product deserves a post of its own and will get one in due time. It is like an extra set of loving hands. I didn't get one until Eva was almost a year and I don't know how I parented without it. It comforts, it carries, it covers. You can go places you could never go with a stroller. You can do things you'd never be able to do without one. I really cannot recommend "babywearing" more highly.

Eva in the 'ring sling' in Thailand

Micah in the same 'ring sling' in Puerto Vallarta


Micah in the 'pouch sling' in Creel, Chihuahua, Mexico. I sewed this one myself. The other one is a little more comfortable because it's padded, but this one fits in a purse. I carried it with me all the time and also used it a ton.

Micah in a 'wrap', overlooking the Copper Canyon in Chihuahua, Mexico. This is just a long piece of fabric that you rig up in any number of ways. The fabric I had was a little too thin to be overly comfortable, so I didn't use this type of sling/wrap much. But there are lots of parents who use this type extensively.

- Eddie Bauer (Safety 1st) Transit Tandem Stroller
We still use this all the time. It is fantastic! It folds umbrella-style quite compactly. The kids love it. It is comfortable for both of Andrew and me to push, despite the 13.5" difference in our heights. It is nice and narrow. And the price was right at $129 US at Target. Highly recommend it. The only thing we don't like about it is the teeny tiny storage basket. Also I suppose it would be nice if it had a parent tray or cupholder. But at $129 who's complaining?!?

- Blue Baby. I got this guy at Toys R Us. Eva had a few other babies but didn't really fall in love until she got this one. Micah also loves Blue Baby. I'm pretty sure the key features are the hard head and open/close eyes.


Things for which we have had no use:

- High Chairs. The one we had, anyway. Took up too much room and collected too much gunk in the nooks and crannies. Tray unwieldly to wash in the sink. Haven't hit upon the ideal solution, as the booster seat we're currently using also collects a lot of gunk. But at least it doesn't take up the whole kitchen.

- Pureed Baby Food and Baby Cereal. Eva ate some but Micah never did. I just offered him finger food at about 6 months. He was interested and able at about 7 months. I gave him non-choking-hazard non-allergenic table food in easy-to-grip chunks. He decided what and how much. Sooooooo much easier for me than sterilizing water or pumping milk for cereal, than boiling and blending fruits, vegetables and meats. And he's done excellent. No choking issues. No weight gain or developmental issues whatsoever. No problems with illness.

I may expand on "baby led feeding" in a future post.

Productive Day

I finally had the kind of day I've been telling myself I should be having. Minimal time spent at the computer, a walk, healthy snacks, time spent playing with the kids. Claudia came today and she folded and put away laundry for me as well as cleaning the floors and bathrooms- sweeet. I did some rearranging too. Moved almost all of the kids' toys out of the living room and into their rooms. Moved my computer into the office beside Andrew's computer. This has done wonders for me- it's not so easy to get sucked into hanging out on the computer anymore. And now I get to hang out next to my hubby in the evenings, instead of being in a separate room.

I want to really work on teaching the kids to put away one activity before they begin another, and hopefully this new arrangement will help. They can bring one or two things into the living room to play with, then put them back before they bring more toys out. This will work until they decide to just stay in their rooms to play. But then the nice thing is that the mess will be contained. We will see how it goes!

Long Weekend

I'm excited to be only a third of the way through the weekend!

We had a good family day. Andrew slept in after being in charge of nighttime parenting. Micah didn't need me until 6am! It was wonderful for me and would have been marvellous indeed if we hadn't been awake until 1am because of a sad and squeaky guest doggie. Samson really really wanted to be closer to us than the kitchen. Well, we'll see what happens tonite! We will close all the bedroom doors and give him the run of the rest of the house. Maybe that will be good enough for him. He'd better not scratch at my bedroom door. That could get him a ticket to the vet for boarding!

I'm so proud of Eva. She got a age 4+ puzzle for Christmas and this morning she did it herself. Over and over again. I love it!

We had Family Walk before bed. I love doing that; we don't get to do it often enough because we usually only have time to eat and get ready for bed once Andrew gets home from work. We are talking about changing it up so that we eat earlier and Andrew eats after the kids are in bed, so we can have a Family Walk.

I bought some fabric today and intend to do a little sewing this weekend. My first project will be to make a fabric tube to hold grocery bags. Wish me luck!

Friday Already!

This week has flown by!

The first three days were really challenging. Eva and I butting heads, neither child sleeping well, tired Mommy with poor patience. A messy house always gets under my skin, and the house was in chaos so that didn't help at all. The mountain of laundry has been reduced to a large pile, much of the clothing and other articles have been stowed, and I've had domestic help so the house is clean. Yesterday was a GREAT day with the kids. We enjoyed being together and for the first time this week it was quiet while I made supper. A little too quiet, actually! I put on a movie, and Eva watched it while Micah divided his time between the movie and pulling things out of the cupboards. Then I noticed that it was *really* quiet. Peeked in the living room. Eva was hunched over, asleep. [This morning she told me her eyes were talking to her, saying, "I'm tired."] Micah was nowhere to be found! I searched all the bedrooms and bathrooms- no sign of the little guy. What! Then I looked out on the patio, and there beyond the patio door which he had so considerately closed behind him, was our little man. Looking a bit bewildered, actually. Probably because he expected me to come whisk him back inside much sooner than I did. That was a bit of a scare!

Micah has been very restless and 'cryey' at nights, wanting extra comfort. Didn't get the feeling it was teeth but it wasn't obvious what else it could be. Then he started scratching his legs like crazy!!!! Problem solved (I think)! He has had dry patches of what I assume is eczema since he was wee. They haven't seemed to have bothered him, until now. Or has he just learned how to scratch? Maybe this has been the source of his sleeping problems all along?? I have been applying Aveeno cream like crazy and hoping we'll see some results in the sleeping department! Last night was somewhat better. Eva slept right through for the first time in at least a month, Micah wasn't scratchy or cryey, though he was glued to me all night long. Normally if he's in the bed he likes to be off in his own little spot unless he's nursing. I did have to get up at 2am to let Duna out, however.