Trying to hit the ball
Post-discouragement (and me with a weird-looking arm!)
Post-discouragement (and me with a weird-looking arm!)We're just not sure how to handle this. In her defense, Eva by temperment is slow to adapt to new situations, there was a huge crowd of people, most of the games were new to her, she was one of the smallest kids, and there is still somewhat of a language barrier. However she was in a familiar setting with us right beside her, encouraging her and showing her by example. She just stood there arms at her sides, complained, and eventually cried. We felt so bad for her that she was missing out on the enjoyment of the day! Her attitude was especially frustrating when it came to the 'flag chase' activity, because she HAS played it before and she loves chase.
We thought about just leaving. Would that have sent the wrong message? We ended up staying to the end, and intentionally observing the last activity, which was spelling Montessori with our bodies.
I hate to see her missing out, and I was upset that she had no interest or appreciation for the effort and time the school put into this event.
Thoughts on how to handle this and future situations like this; how to best encourage her without pressuring or making her feel bad about herself?
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I empathize with Eva, as I was kinda like her. If I think back on it, what I would have wanted my mom to do is be on the sidelines with me, and maybe make it fun to watch the festivities rather than participate. But knowing that all kids are different (and imagining what Ayden would be like in this situation if he were in a 'mood'), this may not be what she actually wants.
ReplyDeleteI would say it is valuable to stay to the very end, and to participate yourselves (or take turns participating so someone can sit by her side), and that this is enough of an appreciation for the effort put into the event by her school. But I would say you needn't get too frustrated with her desire to not participate. If she sees you guys participating, this will be an encouragement to think positively about games and events like this, but not feel pressured to join in if she's feeling uncomfortable. The time to address her desire to 'quit' because she can't seem to enjoy or excel at a task is not in the middle of a crowded or noisy event like this, IMO. Encouraging her at other times to persevere when frustrated (at home, or on familiar, normal school days) will probably be more likely to produce the positive result of her being more willing to persevere. Observing can be a form of participation. And, of course, pushing her to participate will only make her more determined not to. Hang in there! She's a really neat, smart kid. She knows herself well and what she can handle, and she's just needing to develop socially appropriate ways to exit when she needs to. Hooray introverts! (I think she is one, though you would know better).
Have you read The Spirited Child? I've read it for help in understanding and parenting Matthew, and I think Eva fits some of the Spirited Child descriptors. It's a good book, you should check it out if you haven't already read it.
xo
Thanks for your thoughts. I appreciate them very much.
ReplyDeleteI actually think that Eva is an extrovert- she talks my ear off all day long and generally doesn't seem to require a break from people to recharge, which I believe is the main indicator of extro/intro. However she is definitely spirited (I loved the book- so much insight into Eva): slow to adapt, persistent, sensitive, etc....